FIFTY

I'm officially fifty. I'm a half centurion.

I learned that another word for fifty is "Quinquagenarian", which sounds way cooler and very Game of Thrones-ish. I've also heard the words "seasoned" and "established" tossed around. However I try to define it, the harsh reality is that I’ve been on this planet for half a century. When I think of that phrase, I think of old churches or dusty Latin books written by Monks. I think of ancient ruins and statues that I saw in Italy. Yet, when I open up my Book of Life, my pages aren’t that yellowed or brittle to the touch. I'm thinking 50 is the new 30, but with a few aches, pains, and reading glasses.

As I go back to my old chapters, each decade is so completely different with a vast amount of experiences.

In our 20’s chapters, we shed our childhood exoskeleton and walk tall as "adults". We feel we can take on anything that comes our way, paving a fearless, invincible road. Everything around us seems fun and exciting as we meet new people and try new things. We are very confident as we are handed this imaginary ticket to the "real world". However, even though you feel so responsible, you really haven't found your responsibility sea legs quite yet, but you're shaping and molding your own life. You also have this incredible tolerance to go out from Thursday to Saturday and function without a hitch....:)

In our 30’s chapters, you are a more mature adult. You’ve definitely established a career and and become self-sufficient and more responsible. You also might have met the person to share your life with and chances are you get married, buy a house and have children. You're planting roots. This is when you “back burner” yourself because as a parent, raising children can be wonderfully hard and requires a lot of time and sacrifice. And even though you might lose yourself in the mix, you do it selflessly and try to raise good humans to send out into the world.

In our 40's chapters, I think most people start to feel their age and maybe harbor some regrets. I personally felt a tremendous shift. My children were getting older and more independent, allowing me to take myself off of that back burner occasionally where I had been constantly simmering. However, along with that, came the teenaged-hormone-ridden years and my long marriage which ended in divorce. Thankfully, I managed to climb out of that rabbit hole with a new found strength with a only a few bumps and bruises. :)

So here I am. Chapter 50, and once again, I feel a shift. But this time, it’s a whole different feeling. My children are growing up right in front of my eyes and the hovering mom I used to be stands back and sees their lives blossom and unfold, while mine does as well. I’m watching them choose their lives and goals they want to attain as they head right into their own Chapter 20, that I remember so well.

In my past chapters, I have learned quite a lot. Most importantly, the pot on the back burner that was me - it wasn’t something negative. You see, while I was raising my kids, somewhere, somehow, I was re-raising myself - into a person with knowledge, wisdom, and advice to give. I know that I have made mistakes - and probably will make more - but I now learn from them. I have become my mother - who I now realize was right about everything!

So yes, while the word fifty or half a century sounds so old , I am choosing to listen to something I heard from a good friend. That fifty is considered a jubilee year. A celebration. With that, I booked a trip to Aruba and lounged under a tiki hut on the warm, powdery white sand, and drank drinks the color of the ocean.

Because the world that stood still for me for me is now open again to endless possibilities….and I have my imaginary ticket in hand!

Till next time.